Monday, November 21, 2005

animals and beer [1]

penguins in a bar-top congo line might be an okay beer commercial. especially if everyone else in the room seemed fairly ordinary. actually, i bet its been done before. if not penguins, than perhaps monkeys, mice, or some other photogenic critter. however, the good thing about penguins is that, even when drunk, they don't smoke or make much noise. elephants, on the otherhand, tend to light up at every opportunity. okay, maybe a foggy memory of Dumbo doesn't merit slander of the entire elephant kingdom (but it does feature a carousing scene with circus beasts sucking down cigarettes and beer, right?), but they definitely aren't beer commerical material. that's not to say that elephants don't appreciate a good drink -- they just don't fit too well in the local neighborhood pub. besides, rob, a visiting zimbabweeen, claims that elephants have plenty of alcohol on the open range; they don't need a lucrative contract from budweiser. apparently, there's an african fruit that can actually make elephants drunk...and it grows on trees! let the mass exodus to africa begin!

6 comments:

andrew said...

i know, i know, this paragraph makes little sense, and the punchline is...odd....you see, as i was at a local aussie pub, i imagined these dancing penguins, and i just couldn't keep it to myself....

LekkerMan said...

it's spelt ZIMBABWEAN you ponse!

andrew said...

lekkerman, i sincerely hope that you mean 'PONSE' (an acronymn referring to a navalman of some kind) rather than 'ponce' (a 'pimp' or 'fancy man' according to dictionary.com). over the years i've piloted a few boats, so i'll assume the best. in any case, i appreciate your feedback. honestly, it was laziness that led me to use an 'e' in triplicate rather than guess at an 'ea' or, god forbid, search for the correct spelling. thanks, and i mean that with a four-fingered wave of sorts.

LekkerMan said...

the plethora of meanings of the word "ponse" or "ponce" is the deliberate ambiguity i was aiming for. besides, we might have to call it a DRAW. (yes, as in the great sport of cricket it is possible to have no winner and yet no looser as well...the american psyche can't cope with such civility!) as doing research has revealed that drunk elephants roaming the african savannah may have more elements of urban (or is that rural) legend - much like constant rain in seattle. 'wikipedia' say it's highly unlikely that marula fruit (which really can be fermented, however) would make an elephant drunk. aparently they drink too much water. a possible origin of this misguided bit of african trivia could be a film released in the 1970's. but just imgaine teh possiblilites if it were true...

a google search does reveals a bbc report that in india, elephants became inebriated on rice beer and committed numerous dui offenses as a result!

andrew said...

lekkerman: i will respond, just not right now...

andrew said...

lekkerman - actually, if you truly meant to suggest multiple layers of meaning by using the term 'ponse,' then i will graciously concede that i have suffered a defeat of sorts (what kind of defeat, i really can't say). but there can be no draw. face it, in life there are winners and losers; there is joyful laughter and heart wrenching pain. to truly captivate participants and audiences alike, mustn't a sport or debate reflect this darwinian clash of life? in fact, rather than civilly avoiding such decisions, perhaps sports are best served when they exaggerate this struggle, thrilling us with the allegory. therefore, by positing a draw, you risk exalting our exchange to an ivory tower where combatants are somehow free from the nasty consequences of life. so, thanks for offering the tie, but i LOSE.