i need help

my boss is writing an editorial that advocates a return to etiology in psychiatric nosology. to some extent (at least an ittly-bitty one--can you say that about an extent? can you have a great BIG extent and then a little mouse fart extent?) that means that i am writing an editorial advocating a return to etiology in psychiatric nosology. fun stuff, eh? not necessarily: scientific writing in my department tends to be rather dry. but after performing a literature survey of psychiatric and genetic journals, i discovered that there's a lot more freedom with editorials. they often tend to be (or try to be) creative or humorous. so, i'm hoping to inject some creativity into debby's editorial. this may a worthless pursuit, but work's been slow, so i have some time on my hands. however, it's been sooooo long that i've done any creative academic writing that i've lost the ability to gauge my own ridiculousness. that is, i've crafted a few possible introduction paragraphs (rough drafts, of course), but i need help determining if they actually work.

if you're willing to contribute some input, click this link or any of the links below and comment away (here or there)!

no metaphor and next paragraphs
algebra metaphor
candy dish metaphor
modest mouse fire metaphor
no modest mouse fire metaphor