Thursday, September 07, 2006

barred from my own blog

by reading this blog you could be making a grave error. it's just one step from the 17 point scale to an online morass of vice and debauchery. i'm warning you because it almost happened to me.

you may have noticed that i haven't posted for a week. like most americans i spent the weekend as far away from my cubicle as possible: i wake surfed, conversed with a great dane, and grilled burgers. i pitched tents, moved pianos, and caught a cold. once labor day passed, a lingering sore throat kept me at home in my bed. but it was neither vacation nor illness that kept me from my beloved blog, it was my conscience, or more precisely, my unconscious conscience.

in an attempt to rid my computer of licentious pop-ups and porn, i recently installed a trial version of contentprotect on my home computer. many of you are probably familiar with programs like contentprotect--they may prevent you from watching march madness or downloading hip-hop tunes to your office desktop. in my case, an override code can be used to unblock these potentially perverse websites.

one reviewer of the program advised that it is best to have a friend set the password; that way the user can't be tempted to barrel onward through the warning into a waiting cesspool of internet sex. "hmmm" i thought, "that sounds wise."

but it was 1am. i wasn't about to call someone up and say, "errr, sorry to wake you, frankenberg. wanna' stop me from looking at porn? no, what i mean is...." so i devised an even better plan: pick a nearly random string of numbers that i would never remember and use them as my password--perfect!

well, my plan worked. the next day, i clicked on the firefox icon and received a startling message, "you are being blocked from viewing for content of the following types: intimate apparel; adult/mature." for several days the 16 digit access code to my blog was lost in space, and i was spared the corrupting influence of my blog.

then, when i finally recovered the number, it was with great fear and trepidation that i ventured back. what provocative pictures might await me there? how might my moral compass be shattered by a peek at my own writing? tonight, i invite you to disengage your contentprotect and join me in this immoral journey through the 17 point scale.

(enough of that. just an fyi: this new version of blogger is prohibiting me from posting pictures. but unless google is in league with contentprotect, this should only be a temporary glitch)


Matt Basinger said...

how ironic!

andrew said...

indeed. i have since uninstalled it. every google search or visit to was blocked.