gre #1

as promised, here comes the first in a series of sample gre study items. read the passage and name the author and the work:

"I wish I owned half of that dog."

"Why?" somebody asked.

"Because I would kill my half."

The group searched his face with curiosity, with anxiety even, but found no light there, no expression that they could read. They fell away from him as from something uncanny, and went into privacy to discuss him. One said:

"'Pears to be a fool."

"'Pears?" said another. "Is, I reckon you better say."

"Said he wished he owned half of the dog, the idiot," said a third. "What did he reckon would become of the other half if he killed his half? Do you reckon he thought it would live?"

actually, let's do this gre style. choose, between these five authors:

a. langston hughes
b. walt whitman
c. ernest hemingway
d. mark twain
e. john steinbeck

the author of this work also made a brief foray into which other literary genre?

a. imagism
b. arthurian literature
c. theater of the absurd
d. pre-raphaelite literature
e. post-modern gertrude steinesque nonsense

according to the allusion in lines 4-5 this passage from pudd'n'head wilson alludes to what breed of dog?

a. a german shepherd
b. one of those rat-like chihuahuas
c. a mutt
d. a pit pull terrier
e. a "death-hound"


andrew david 'outside church' puerto vallarta, mexico.
this shot had great potential, but the final product stinks. oh, well. i still like the idea.

if necesary, i am more than happy to offer test-taking strategies for these questions in future posts. to see how you did, simply drag your cursor over this blank space, and you should see the answers: 1. d; 2. b; 3. none of the above! sorry, that was evil. there was totally NO allusion in those lines! one could argue that the passage somehow alludes to solomon, but gosh--that's a baby, not a dog! but be glad, the gre would never do that to you.

my favorite...

...thing that i said today (sunday) is not very eloquent, nor is it entirely honest. still, there's enough truth in the statement that i think i'd like to share it:

"the only thing i'm going to like about having kids is reading to them."

correction to yesterday's blog

unfortunately, the image in my previous post failed to accurately portray the 17 point scale. it neglected to include older posts and overcompensated by repeatedly counting the links to your left. it also may have scanned the comments. this suggests an intriguing question: should i consider the comments as part of my blog or as a separate entity? for the purposes of this graphic, i think it is more informative to remove the comments. here is the updated pictoral representation of my blog:

what is the 17 point scale?

don't worry, sean, i can occasionally post blog entries from my quiet study corner!

I.
at last count john perkins, the civil rights superhero of 17 point scale fame, had accrued seven honorary doctorates. i'm sure he's a great guy (no, really; i'm quite positive about this. you can check out his bio if you don't believe me. let me warn you though, it's a bio; bios are boring), but (even with his great-guyness in mind) is that really fair? perhaps i'm misguided, but i've always been under the impression that a doctorate connotes a rigorous, somewhat-structured, academic accomplishment. i guess not.

well then, let's spread the love around. hmmm...where to start? let's see, another great guy, my loving roommate mark, has attended almost 7 universities with nothing but a loan to his name. i lack the proper accreditation to offer him any kind of degree, but i've got something even better up my sleeve.

in the winter of 2005-06, mark gave me a christmas gift that unwittingly propelled him into the good graces and high esteem of the 17 point scale: a black shirt with the phrase 'nobody reads my blog' printed boldy across the chest. at the time it was kind of silly (and true), but in recent weeks it has proved an ideal advertising gimmick. for example, i wore the christmas tee to saturday's bingo party and happily found my blog to be the subject of several scintillating conversations. in these contexts, people tend to ask, 'what do you blog about?' it really is a puzzling question; i careen from topic to topic without much consistency. today, for instance, my blog attempts to leveling balance of fame. indeed, because the 17 point scale owes mark a great debt for the free publicity associated with his gift, the 17 point scale is pleased to confer the title of honorary 17 point scale marketing director upon his business savvy shoulders. (take that, great-guy john perkins and all your honorary cronies!)

and now, what about that question? what do i blog about? thankfully, snapshirts.com puts an end to any pointless pondering. their site compiled the overall 17 point scale word usage into a simple word graphic (look left). in case you are unfamiliar with this technology, larger words represent more common 17 point scale words while the tiny words are less used.

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for the rest of the month, i'm stuck at my desk pouring over thomas carew, gertrude stein, euphuisms, and every other potentially testable scrap of world lit. therefore, the 17 point scale is officially proclaiming march the 'live-vicariously-through-your-friends-and-online-neighbors' month. that is, since i'll be confined to my study corner, i'm encouraging you to explode forth from your computer and perform all kinds of crazy deeds in the name of andrew. hmmm...that means, if you're not me, this is actually the 'my-friend-and-online-neighbor-is-living-vicariously-through-me' month. there must be some way to consolidate those two names...in any case, as you go about your living, i strongly recommend exploring BAC, an exciting assortment of FREE artsy classes. these quick courses range from irish dancing, thai cooking basics, and zimbabwean singing to ts eliot's the wasteland, cheesemaking, and an introduction to the didjeridu.


andrew david 'a postcard from 1971' peurto vallarta, mexico (day 1).

nastiness

state route 99 is the lesser traveled little cousin of i-5. i don't like to play favorites, so i tend to take i-5 during the morning commute and 99 in the evening. however, i think i'm a rarity in this even-handed use of the washington state byways. some seattlites, like neuropsychological and neurophysiological technician sean meichle, pass their props to 99. others are devoted to the eight lane behemoth that is i-5. perhaps the only consensus regarding these north-south tributaries is that they are both in serious need of work, especially 99. as they pass through downtown, the narrow lanes of 99 ascend a series of ancient stilts and pass through a cavernous tunnel. according to most reports, in an earthquake this section of 99 (known as the viaduct) would be a disaster. tonight, as i was navigating north through a sea of red tailights, there was just such a catastrophe. with an odd rumble, my southern slice of highway suddenly crumbled beneath me. my trusty truck lept from the crashing concrete and barrelled through the air, but its flight was doomed. the puzzled craft and i flew headlong into the waiting supports of a still intact northern segment of highway. in the instant that i dreamed this surprising death, i thought 'God, forgive me...' and then somehow kept driving; thankfully, it was just my imagination (running away with me)*. i'm not really sure what spawned this harrowing imaginative burst, but it was certainly surprising.

after arriving safely at home, i whipped out my laptop, checked scores on espn, and then dropped my head on the pillow for a little nap. a moment later, i felt my nose running a bit, but thought nothing of it. this was nap time, no time to worry about a little snot. i lazily wiped my nose with my hand -- something felt funny. snapping my eyes open i saw a bright crimson pool on my pillow -- a bloody nose! what the heck? can someone tell my why, after twenty years of mild nose abrasions and no blood, i suddenly find myself bleeding all over my bed? what the goose? here's google's attempt (oh, i also have a bit of a headache), which could be a bit frightening...


andrew david 'stuck inn here' the tropicana, puerto vallarta, mexico
day 1, the hallway right outside our hotel room. i can't decide if i like the ant-like duo in the bottom right corner of the window. they're probably too small for web-watchers to render much of an opinion...

* corrected link; i was previously trying to link directly to the online music clip, but apparently you can't do that; it only worked temporarily. now the link takes the surfer to the music clip page, and the surfer has to scroll down (or use ctrl-f) until he or she finds the clip.

back page: the sacred journey

III.
the sacred journey: a memoir of early days by frederick buechner

2/23/04
"so...having not read much 'non-fiction' for fun, i'm not sure what to say. how 'bout this: freddy's definitely found his 'voice.' at times his writing style seems deceptively simple, even hypnotic. he has done a masterful job at piecing his memories together into a meaningful (and, in rare places, preachy) message. in fact, he provides a first-rate example of how to do [exactly] what he suggests, [an example of how to] pour over our pasts for surprising glimpses of God's grace-filled touch....see page 7"

page 7: "wow, beth, you're right. if nothing else, he sure knows how to write a stirring introduction."

by the way, if you follow the link, you may find a little blurb by dr. doug thorpe, english professor at seattle pacific university (and an equally stunning shorter version of my blurb. actually, i feel a bit self -conscious about posting sucky 3 sentence reviews on amazon, but oh well. i think its actually helpful. who really has time to read an entire paragraph?).


andrew david 'daddy, its a tourist; can i feed him?' puerto vallarta, mexico, day 3?

a joke and some nachos

LAFFY TAFFY JOKE (part I)
Q: what do you call a sleep-walking nun?

what if i posted a one-picture entry with no text? would you think i'm lazy? i recently installed a stat counter on my blog so that i can better monitor traffic on the 17 point scale. that's right, i'm watching you; ack, this blog is making me crazy creepy. you see, for some reason i have an overwhelming desire to lure the masses to my silly site. thus, i'm worried about writing sucky little meaningless entries (like yesterday's and today's and tomorrow's) because people might realize 'this is crap' and spend their time elsewhere. why do i care? okay, this is where i get over that. right here.

LAFFY TAFFY JOKE (part II)
A: a roamin' catholic


beth the s.o. 'crazy creepy andrew, some nacho goodness, and a dog' puerto vallarta, mexico.
day 1. see the dog napping behind my chair? he was just many of the canine friends of my mexican vacation.

LAFFY TAFFY JOKE (epilogue)
isn't that joke hilarious? go ahead laugh aloud. perhaps you need some encouragment: hah ha aha hah...

an oligatory oscar post

watching the oscars made me wish i had cable. jon stuart and the daily show sure beat npr as a source for entertaining news.

i only saw two of the five films nominated for best picture: good night, and good luck and crash. in my opinion, good night was the superior film, but crash probably had greater impact on moviegoers. personally, i thought the film was a bit too obvious. it walloped me on the head with a big fat anti-racism plank. the racism in crash was so blatant that it was hard for me to relate, and i was afraid that people who engage in more subtle (and perhaps more common) racism might miss the point and walk blissfully away without a thought to their own prejudices. but let's be optimistic, maybe if you hit someone hard enough, they just might change their mind.

and, to you english majors, do you think the 'affective fallacy' is a legitmate basis for critiquing film? and how do you spell 'critiquing'?

and, speaking of prejudices, i just saw pride and prejudice this evening--a good film, but isn't it the same as sense and sensibility? jane austen was such a hack. anyway, speaking yet again of prejudice, one of the previews on tonight's film was for brokeback mountain. unfortunately, the preview probably ruined any chance of my seeing the film. no, i wasn't offended by homosexual innuendo, but i was a bit peeved at the background musical score. it sampled unapologetically from the shawshank redemption. and when i say 'sampled,' i mean note-for-note, it was the same (i.e., identical) swelling orchestration that guides us through shawshank. i guess i'm just frustrated by the oddest things--agggggh! jane, i apologize for what i said earlier; it was just a simple misunderstanding. at least you had the decency to steal from yourself...

i guess that leaves me with munich and capote. i figure that capote might even be a good study movie for the upcoming gre.

andrew david 'quiet' puerto vallarta, mexico. day 1.
pictures from my laptop never look the same once i post them on the internet. i'm interested in whether this picture will look too washed out. it might be better as a black and white image.

cue the same old revelation, again...

i keep learning the same things about myself. i'm not certain if this is because i'm a renewable fountain of self-intuition or because i've fallen prey to some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. you be the judge.

monday evening we celebrated mari's birthday at the kiwi and kangaroo. the pub is remarkable not because of its $6 meat pie, chips, and pint specials (check the website for this and other deals) but because of its cosmic connection with the 17 point scale. the spirits of barrel-bodied aussies populate this bar, and i think they're getting in my head. this may sound a little like inebriation (i swear, officer, i only had one cider, just one), but some force from the southern-most inhabited continent has confused my blog with an epic poem. and, as all good aussies know, every epic poem needs a muse. thus, each time i visit the k and k, i find myself in a strangely thoughtful mood. for instance, my previous visit to aurora's only true blue bar resulted in several dreamy-eyed revelations including a genius advertising campaign.

during my most recent visit to the kiwi and kangaroo, i had yet another introspective moment. i (re) learned that i tend to get grumpy in large social situations. it could be over-stimulation or a mild case of claustrophobia (too many people!), but i'm more inclined to think that it's just a matter of preference. i have a hearty dislike for small talk, group getting-to-know-you chats, and silly drinking games. a nice dinner conversation is fine, but conversational free-for-alls just aren't my thing.

(does this make me odd? or do others share this same experience? i'd wager a few copper coins that some people actually drink for this very reason. that seems a little counterintuitive to me: here, drink this elixir, it will make you enjoy that which you don't normally enjoy. it will turn your whole world upside down. hmmm...maybe it's like God: here, say this prayer. God will make you go places and serve people that you would normally avoid. He will turn your whole world upside down. crazy. this analogy may have some wacky implications.)

on this particular evening, i found myself drifting away from the group. it wasn't long before i was alone at the bar. and here's where i made yet another (re) discovery: i like experiments. monday's study was a subjective sociology experiment; what's it like to be a lone guy at the bar? the conditions for my study were less than optimal. i assume that many bar dwellers are talkative; they chat up the bartender, their neighbors, and especially that cute girl in the short black skirt, but (as i said previously) i was seeking solitude (and i could probably ask beth to wear a short black skirt). nonetheless, i caught a glimpse at the awkwardness of drinking alone. the bloke to my right was ordering a drink, and i couldn't tell if he was alone. i wasn't sure of proper protocol--should i avoid eye contact? nod a silent greeting and feign interest in the romania's easy victory over armenia? gosh, it was strange. unfortunately, before i could gather more data about the experience, social norms irresistably tugged me back to the group. nonetheless, now i know that the next time social gatherings make me feel a bit stir crazy, i can simply pull out my pencil and paper and continue my research...


andrew david. 'fishies' mismaloya, day 2.
a picture from snorkeling in mismaloya. it's a bit premature to skip to day 2 like this, but this has been my wallpaper for the past week, and for some reason i had an intense desire to get it up on the web.

happy ash wednesday

i'm not posting anything of substance tonight. i have a few thoughts regarding ash wednesday, but i don't feel like writing anything insightful at the moment. blogging is like life; sometimes you just feel like being empty, doing nothing, vegging, or, in my case, reading someone else's writing for a change (instead of my own, over and over again, which is what i tend to do when i write). so here's a first and final word about ash wednesday: churches should not serve modern-day ding dongs during lent or holy week. however, if pressed to include hostess snacks in a service, the older (and better) model of the ding dong is the most appropriate choice. indeed, the cream-filled treats of my past had a physical appearance that was more suited to christian symbolism. rather than an entirely smooth chocolately exterior, the older ding dongs had peculiar circular dents in the top surface of the ding dong; to some it may seem sacrilegious or even morbid, but these indentations could serve as a reminder of the nail-pierced skin of our resurrected Christ. in fact, if one is in the transignification camp concerning the eucharist (vs the transubstantiation or consubstantiation camp), the older version of the ding dong could actually serve as a more meaningful communion item than the more traditional bread or wafer. and on ash wednesday, i bet a cross of chocolate would be far easier to see than this cross of ash that seems to disappear invisibly into my forehead...

(oh, and trust me about the two stages of ding dongdom, i know my ding dongs a lot better than my frozen pizzas.)


andrew david. 'looking up' puerto vallarta, day 1.
if i were to consider printing this picture, i would crop out a bit more of the sky and play with the colours some more. as is, i think it's boring.

my blog is like beth

i never know where beth will take me. perhaps that's because i'm a guy and for whatever reason i am blessed with the uncanny ability to drift off at just the wrong moments. yes, mother, ideally i would never drift off. but come on, if that were the case, i'd probably have a harem by now (perhaps compliments of this wonderful batch of personals). so, as the occasionally deaf, one-woman man that i am, there should be little surprise that this evening i found myself somewhere that i didn't quite expect: in the midst of a gospel-style worship service. i later discovered that this exhuberant hand clapping, joyous shouting, and singing--a relatively unfamiliar way of talking to God--was merely a prelude to the night's expected entertainment (or more appropriately, enlightenment), a message by Dr. John Perkins, 'the renowned civil rights leader and founding partner with SPU of the John Perkins Center for Reconciliation, Leadership Training, and Community Development (whew--that's a lonnnng title...it comes from spu.edu, but i'm not posting a link because the quote may not be available after today).' dr. perkins shared some interesting points regarding racism, christianity, and the disaster-battered state of the deep south, but it was the gospel choir that first got my attention.

still, despite the novelty of this form of worship, i was struck by an odd parallel. based upon tonight, it appears that gospel music tends to repeat a line or a chorus over and over again. during the course of this repetition, the choir director may tinker with the congregation's intensity or tone, but the words remain the same. shifting gears to a more personal one-on-one (that is man and God) setting, this emphasis on repetition is surprisingly similar to an old orthodox practice (and roman catholic too, i think...isn't there a latin term of some kind? kyrie gaglingok?). in the way of a pilgrim (or more particularly, the philokalia), an unknown, 19th century wanderer recounts his discovery of the orthodox 'Jesus prayer,' a simple sentence that christians were taught to pray unceasingly. "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me," they would pray all day, everyday. now, i know that i have a penchant for finding quirky little connections where there are none (take poetry and football, for example), but even now i feel some sense of gladness at this link between the ancient and the more modern pictures of my faith.

earlier today i was asked, 'if you could attend a live concert by any musical artist, living or dead, who would it be and where?' after nearly mumbling my way out of the question, i thought of the many sundays that i've sat on the floor at st. mark's and participated in a compline service. every time that i stare up into the cavernous space of that church and hear those voices rise mystically above me, i feel a reassuring connection with the past. i'm reminded that as i stumble along this journey of faith i'm not alone. the path is well-worn by other men and women down through the centuries. and that's probably why i dismissed elton john, ben folds, switchfoot, radiohead, burlap to cashmere, and other more likely candidates in favor of some 7th century cathedral with an anonymous cluster of monk-dudes singing gregorian chant.


andrew david. 'one too many, version 2' puerto vallarta, day 1.
these were our first 2 for 1 margaritas in mexico.

the first essence [4]

Here is the fourth poem from my unpublished anthology Poems Written in Brady's UCORE Notes at 3AMish ca 2001:

DiGiorno
She is frozen
Locked in a box of frost.

perhaps by continually mentioning shaun alexander in the context of poetry i am unintentionally cheapening his poetic legacy. if this is the case, please forgive me, for i must make one final comparison. consider the nfl a symbol for the entire literary history of the world. within this bulging body of work, my anthology, Poems Written in Brady's UCORE Notes at 3AMish, would be best represented by the 2005 nfc champions, the seattle seahawks. and, stepping deeper into the anthology, one finds DiGiorno, the shaun alexander of poetery, the mvp. For more information concerning this poetry, please refer to my post entitled 'the first essence [1]' or other poems from this anthology (simply search 'first essence' in my blog).


andrew david. 'big fish' puerto vallarta, day 1.
check out his eyeball. i've always wanted to say that.

a comic strip

so here's my first ever 17 point scale comic strip. some credit certainly should go to john who had the courage to dream this dream in the first place. you'll probably have to click for a larger view of the pics in order to really understand the comic. also, i apologize for the poor quality of the pictures.

happy monday to you

yes, i'm oddly blessed; today is my monday, yet friday is less than 48 hours away. still, like many mondays, i'm a bit work weary and unwilling to splatter my brains about the keyboard as i struggle to wittily recap my adventures in paradise. i'll save that mixed joy for another day. in the meantime, i have about a billion pictures from the trip (well, at least 750), so perhaps i'll include sequential puerto vallarta pictures at the end of my next several posts. like usual, i may also do a few picture-only posts.

oh, and here's andrew's calendar for the month of march:
1. study, study, study. gre is on april first. i'm serious
2. escape the evil clutches of jack bauer and the first season of 24. i'm sure that liz would be delighted to know that i watched episodes 1-2 this evening. uh oh.


andrew david. 'day 1' sea tac airport.
ugh. my computer tells me that this photo was taken at 5:09am. that's after catching a cab, checking in, and jostling our way through security. our threesome was understandably exhausted. in fact, i'd been sick for the previous few days and unable to sleep. angie (pictured here) pulled a v-day all-nighter ('a singles party...the best party ever...did i tell you about the jellow shots? ohhh...scandalous...' she would later recount over and over again).

goin' to MEXICO!

the 17 point scale will be taking a week long sabbatical in the eighty-five degree paradise of puerto vallarta and yelapa. i will be returning to seattle on tuesday, february 21. in the meantime you can look forward to a final post on the seahawks, a groundbreaking cartoon, and some more 17 point scale nonsense.

-andrew

my birthday loot

1. 2 packages of chips ahoy
2. 1 package of ding dongs
3. 1 package of oreos
4. 1 gallon of 2% milk
5. an apple decorer
6. a lamp
7. a basketball
8. korean chimes
9. a seahawks shirt
10. a piano tuning
11. a magnet
12. a set of genetics lectures
13. some cash

beth's birthday activity

that's right, today beth turns 25! happy birthday beth! whoohooo!

in honor of beth, please share your favorite beth memory. i'm not asking for your favoritest, just something that's pleasantly memorable.

andrew: i find that one of beth's most attractive qualities is her enthusiasm. whether it be ts eliot, dipping sauces, or some other who-knows-what, she exudes an energy that is both cute and contagious. (and here comes my memory.) during our week long trek through alaska beth got excited about meese. soon she started referring to these phantom creatures as moooooooooose! for example, as we swatted mosquitos and other blood-sucking insects on a woodsy trail in canadia, we happened upon 17 piles of moose droppings, or as beth would later say, 'mooooooooooose poop!' well, you really ought to have been there, but that's my memory, what's yours?

back page: corelli's mandolin

II.

corelli's mandolin: a novel by louis de bernieres

12/7/03
"this novel will always [fondly] remind me of nickel creek...once i adjusted to the onstensibly grandiose vocabulary, this was a fun, touching, and (perhaps) epic tale of love, war, and GREECE. i like it, and on the eve of rhett and vanessa's wedding i wish them a love like p&a."

hmmm...when i alighted upon the back page concept, i didn't anticipate the necessity of a fill-in-the-missing-colors post-script to every single back page post-script. oh, well.

first, i should warn readers that this connection between nickel creek and corelli's mandolin is not entirely natural. indeed, they are separated by an ocean, several decades in scope, and an obvious lack of any specific thematic similarity. still, as you might be surprised to learn, music plays an important role in the story of corelli's mandolin. moreover, nickel creek caught the coat-tails of fame as a result of chris thile's nimble mandolin pickin' fingers; did you catch that? mandolin. in any case, to manufacture a similar reading experience, i recommend donning your imagination cap and listening to the pseudo-greek tunes of nickel creek and this side.

from a meta-blog perspective you may note that i appear to use the term 'touching' a bit too frequently in these reviews. earlier i claimed that henderson rain king had a 'touching style.' however, rather than assuming that andrew has a recycle bin vocabulary, lets try optimism. perhaps he's merely a great critic; perhaps once you whittle away all the competing camps of literary theory, the most tangible characteristic of good literature is its ability to touch readers.

back to the review at hand. i'm afraid that the inclusion of a sappy marital blessing may have little personal application to someone debating whether or not to read this book. on the other hand, when bernieres happens upon my blog, i suspect that he'll feel quite honored (and that is, after all, my aim -- to suck up to british authors). personally, i'd be all aglow if someone referenced my blog in a wedding context (see my great poem 'command' for laudable wedding toast material). for readers other than bernieres, i hope that the inclusion of a wedding blessing could at least produce a bit of intrigue. who is this vanessa? you might ask. and who is this rhett? are there any other names that start with rh? rhiannon...rhodes (but that's a last name)...rhoda....

finally, do NOT judge this book based upon the movie. you see, the book does NOT star nicholas cage. as an aside, i was just googling for a page that said "HE'S AN IDIOT!" in big block letters. while unsuccessful, i found this adorable website. if you click no other links in your life, please click this one. mr cage, this one's for you!

super bowl xl autopsy

i'm disgusted. my philosopher of football (steve) once had me convinced that the those whistle-wearing zebras play a far greater role in the outcome of an nba game than an nfl game. however, i don't think i'd be using much hyperbole to say that sunday's super bowl xl was the most lopsided example of officiating that i've ever seen. honestly, i'm tempted to write a letter to the nfl and demand an apology.

but settle down, andrew, let's take a step back. stay calm...think happy thoughts...

okay, happy thoughts. well, before football there was ping pong. every day after school, my bestfriend and i would sprint into my basement lair and play game after game of ping pong. in fact, we developed an entire pro-ping-pong league. brandon and i were ping-pong gods. i don't mean to imply that we were unbeaten titans of the table; yes, brandon had a killer slam and a crazy-goose style which he recently described as 'a bit out there,' and, yes, the chatty play-by-play crew (that'd be brandon and me) aptly dubbed one of the 'players' on one of my better teams 'stonewall jackson' (i.e., the little white ball of ping-pong goodness just never made it by me), but really our table tennis divinity was less suggestive of our mad-hot skills than our at-will tinkering within the league. because we each managed (and played for) about half of the league, we could doll out wins and losses between our teams with unabashed favortism. in other words, if my bamboo chargers posted a losing record against brandon's teams, i could still pull enough victories from within my set of teams to assure the bc of a mid- to top-seed in the grand, end of the season tourney.

aside from an explosive atmosphere of fun competition, the nfl should bear little resemblance to my ping pong days. it's ridiculous to postulate that nfl commissioner paul tagliabue is pulling strings like some grade school gepetto...right? well, something isn't right. regardless of how i fiddled with the win/loss columns or attempted to stack our table tennis tourneys, it always came down to a gritty showdown, brandon and i in a last race to 21 points.

but the boys in black and white (or is that yellow and white?) seem to think they're nfl gods (more like nfl demons if you're a seahawks fan).

okay, okay, my analogy may be full of holes and a bit silly. after all, i see no easy way to incorporate dropped balls (jerramy stevens) and injuries (andre dyson; marquand isn't that an odd name? manuel, and rocky bernard) into the ping-pong parallel. and how does one explain holmgren's odd play clock management style? in any case, these issues, while important, all seem secondary. let's face it, the mvp award should have gone to referee bill leavy.

my stomach's getting queasy, so its about time to wrap up this rant. before i go, i want to share one last ping-pong memory. occasionally, our ping-pong battles would be disrupted by a parental cry from above or by the low hanging ceiling or, believe it or not, what one of us perceived as a questionable call. in these cases we developed the most indisputable method of settling arguments: 'the do-over.' that is, we would simply serve the ball again and replay that point. perhaps a super bowl with this many bad calls should steel a page from the andrew-brandon playbook, perhaps it simply deserves a do-over.

seahawks predictions?

seahawks 24, steelers 21

sonics slip out of seattle?

happy groundhog day everyone! the wind was blowing again last night, so i stayed up late writing silly letters to local politicians. (please pardon the capitalization and lack of character spaces throughout the letter) like this:


Dear Mr. Seattle City Council President,

As I was skimming the sports section tonight, I read the following paragraph from the Seattle Times:

'When asked if the city would suffer lasting damage if the Sonics moved,Licata said: "On an economic basis, near zero. On a cultural basis, closeto zero. We would still have two sports, and plenty of cities our sizedon't have three." '

I hope they misquoted you.

I understand that this issue is complicated and realize that the city may not be prepared to offer another sports team bags and bags of money for a stadium renovation. I'm sure we agree that there are higher priorities than sports (e.g., social services, education). However, I'm still a bit shocked by your comments. You obviously don't spend much time in Queen Anne. During the Sonics season that neighborhood thrives off of business from fans. Idon't know who to believe when it comes to the economic benefits of an NBA basketball team in Seattle, but Schultzy claims the Sonics bring millions of dollars in revenue -- is that zero?

Ultimately, I was most riled up by your assertion that the Sonics meannothing to Seattle culture. Personally, I have many fond memories of theSonics, especially as a kid. Some fans have thirty years of memories.Also, the Sonics players do a great deal to support the Seattle communityin terms of basketball camps and other charity work. Are you calling thatzero?

Moreover, your comparison to other cities is ridiculous! Indeed, whilethere may be cities our size with only two sports teams (can you namethem? i doubt it), there are also cities with smaller populations thanSeattle that have 4 professional sports teams (e.g., Atlanta, Denver,Minneapolis; that's at least 4/13 and I'm tired of checking stats --here, look for yourself:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._cities_with_teams_from_four_major_sports).According to your logic, we should actually be courting an NHL teamrather than evicting the Sonics.

To conclude, perhaps having 3 teams is part of what makes our city great?Don't forget, this team won an NBA championship in the 70's and createdquite a buzz in 1996 - it has a legacy. And the Storm just carried hometheir first WNBA championship. I'm afraid that if you don't change yourtune, you and your pals in Olympia will also have a legacy, that oflosing the Sonics and dashing our dreams for more memories.

Thank you for listening to my concern,

Andrew

Go Seahawks!

a four-night pictoral premonition of SEAHAWKS victory

looking into the future, i can just barely hear a chorus of popping champagne corks and the tearful cheers of the 12th man. yes, i see it clearly now: the space needle exploding into bright bursts of light, celebratory fireworks to honor the super bowl xl champions. oh, look i can even upload these visions onto my blog. how 'bout that...
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okay, so these pics are from new years eve night, not february 5th. still, i'm sure we'll have some kind of tribute when we win...(please win, please!!!)

some three-year-old musings on MDD and the movie Magnolia

Thursday, August 08, 2002 – 1:25 AM

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past month and a half but not a lot of writing. In fact, no writing at all, so I figure its about time to get started again. After all, I have to wrack my brain for a travel essay topic and eventually compose twelve artful pages that say something about something. And this is a bad sign. The swirling minutia of irrelevant thoughts that managed to keep me up past midnight suddenly backtracked into nothingness the moment I decided to end my writing fast. Oh, well. Maybe my thoughts will return eventually. In the interim, as I listen to jars of clay and Switchfoot, here’s a movie review of sorts; after all, in the old days, when I actually managed to keep a diary, I included everything from movie reviews to silly lists of what I consumed that day (trix, cinnabon, chocolate-chip-oatmeal cookies, three fruit snacks, a piece of pizza, a third of a donut, and a piece of gum).

Magnolia: A bizarre movie that intermittently follows the lives of twelve very different people, pulling their lives from pure randomness to an intricate web of interconnectedness. At its heart this movie seems to be searching for something to explain the strange coincidences that commingle to form our lives. Falling frogs and ironic deaths also accentuate the movie’s strange taste in storytelling. While I could easily add some plot summary or interesting observations, there’s a reason this movie, which I watched about three weeks ago, popped into my head, and at the moment—and what a brief moment it shall be, because while david gray may be able to bob his head tirelessly to babylon, its putting me to sleep—I want to talk about me. So, as I turned my massive (yet insignificant) to do list over in my mind, pending emails shot to the forefront. One such email will be addressed to Pam; among other things, this email will have to explain why I sometimes feel ‘sick of myself.’ As I was considering this, I stumbled upon the issue of me being or not being depressed (and likewise, this spawned parallel thoughts concerning Sarah and Marianne, but I have only so much space and even less time). Wow, this is gonna’ take forever. So here’s the connection to magnolia. At one point in the movie william h macy (the reason I checked the movie out from the library in the first place) says something like “I’m not depressed, I’m melancholy. There’s a difference.” And he’s right. Lately, however, I haven’t really been feeling either. That’s good news. Thanks Jesus. Goodnight.

1/31/06 post-script:
i still think fondly of that disturbing magnolia movie. i have several friends that live in magnolia. i don't know if they're depressed, but i feel fine. well, mostly fine; the wind keeps waking the motion-sensored light outside my bedroom window, so i've been posting messages to the ESL chat rooms (as, you guessed it, the17pointscale), hoping that talk of em dashes might put me to sleep. in any case, i like the idea of listing my meals for the day--it was ahead of its time. oatmeal, ritz crackers, vanilla wafers, bacon and egg scramble, milk...

i finally join the apple gang

thank you all for your suggestions. i also considered brief quotes from andrew's poetry, song lyrics (switchfoot, ben folds, radiohead, death cab for cutie, etc), quotes (solzhenitsyn, dostoyevsky, david james duncan, ts eliot, william wordsworth, etc), and bible verses.
-------------------------------------------------------
beth: indecisive? while true, i don't think it's wise to advertise my character flaws so much. and monkey? despite the recent revelation concerning my chinese monkeyhood, i lack any history with monkeys. it isn't even my power-animal. and what if i bring the ipod to an interview?

fancy pants HR-bot: looks great! well, mr. david, i think you're our top candidate so far. congratulations! now i've been meaning to ask you about your ipod? my son's been wanting one and i'm quite interested in the user interface. may i see yours?

andrew: of course...

fancy pants HR-bot: ...yes, i really like the easy navigation that this patented click-wheel provides. and the display is beautiful. but...what's this? indecisive monkey? is that you? i'm sorry, we were really looking for someone capable of making snap decisions.
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anonymous: 'my ipod' seems sensible. perhaps a bit too sensible. in fact, 'my ipod' reminds me of the organizational style of windows: my computer, my documents, my pictures....'zimbabwe is great,' on the other hand, would certainly make my ipod unique. i'm just afraid that it's a tad ignorant. i've never been to zimbabwe or even africa. for all i know, zimbabwe could be a paradise or the country equivalent of a vat of goo. who knows? perhaps something like 'she tells me that / zimbabwe is great'
-------------------------------------------------------
chadius: bingo! i agree.
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[the following will be centered on two lines on the back of my new ipod]

the 17 point scale
(oh, chicken-goose)

ouch, i've decided to buy an ipod

and, to enjoy an ipod, i'll need to purchase several hundred accessories. so much for being thrifty! actually, apple is really quite kind. in addition to free shipping, they also offer free engraving. unfortunately, their generosity poses a bit of a problem. at our work christmas party last night (a little late for christmas, but oh well) i learned that according to chinese calendar, i am a monkey; beth, the great chinese astrologer then informed me that my chief character trait was indecisiveness. unfortunately, this discovery was right on the mark. for the past thirty minutes i have been agonizing about what to permanently stencil on my (soon-to-be) new billion dollar toy. thus, i ask the assistance of my loyal readers -- oh, what shall i inscribe on my ipod?

the gossip

and now, the long awaited return of the 17 point scale's gossip column...

Another eligible SPU bachelor bites the dust. Congrats!

actually, this poses a question that i've been meaning to ask miss manners. you see, despite this gossip column, i tend to keep things to myself. if ---------'s engaged, that's his news to share, not mine. if jonathan and kim have a baby girl, that's their news, not mine. so miss manners, or anyone with an opinion, when does it become appropriate for that bit of news to enter the public sector through a second hand source such as me? that is, when can i feel certain that i won't be spoiling their chance to share the news? for instance, just last night i was hanging out with mutual friends of danny. i don't think they'd heard the news, and i wasn't sure whether to tell them....

back page: henderson the rain king

I.
henderson the rain king by saul bellow

"wow! great book. it started really slow and i nearly gave up, but it ended with touching style and a great big dose of the bizarre. in the end, i think it finds redemption, or at least hope. wow..."

i plan to navigate my library alphabetically, and, as you can see, sometimes the reviews will be quite brief, more like afterthoughts than afterwords. for shorter posts like this, i would be happy to say more if anyone is actually interested in the book. by the way, amazon refers to this novel as a 'seriocomic' work. i guess that's newspeak for tragicomedy.

SEAHAWKS are goin' to the SUPERBOWL!

the idea of a seattle team playing for the national football league superbowl is far, far outside the scope of my cerebralsphere. in other matters, i had an interesting conversation with conybeare about punctuation this morning. he was wondering how to punctuate something like this:

can you tell me how to get to sesame street (is it scary there?)?
can you tell me how to get to sesame street (is it scary there?)
can you tell me how to get to sesame street (is it scary there)?

any opinions?

[1.25.05:]

2 votes (beth, mari) for item one. 1 vote (joel) for: can you tell me how to get to sesame street? (is it scary there?) i agree with everyone; based upon my initial grammar god consult (CMS, the everyday writer, and a forum), i think that item one is technically correct. and i strongly agree with joel in that the best way to avoid awkward structure is to just recast the sentence. still, i wonder if can you tell me how to get to sesame street? (is it scary there?) may result in a subtle change in meaning. structurally, it puts a bit more space between the two sentences and thereby may increase the difference in meaning between the two. joel, do you ALWAYS make parenthetical sentences their own sentence or only at the end of sentences? (e.g., would you alter this: the dinosaur (scholars continue to insist that 'dino' means terrible and that 'saur' means lizard) groaned once and was silent. okay, that's a horrible example...

to make matters even more confusing, the cms might actually campaign for item two; here's a similar example from the CMS (well, almost):

Who shouted, 'Fire!'

that's right, no question mark. here's another interesting one:

here favorite songs are 'hello dolly!' 'chicago,' and 'come with me.'

SEAHAWKS poetry

it may be lame, but in appreciation of tomorrow's big game, i'd like to recycle an old comment:

Lo, who, incidentally, i just met in-person at matt basinger's birthday party: tsk tsk. poetry and sports. interesting blog. you've made me think.

Andrew: and don't you think that its about time that football and poetry (even if it be my mock poems) finally

collide
what is poetry
if not the brutal
clashing of bones? words
mashed together

on the one-yard line
with a phrase (or two)
coming untucked.
syntactical shaun alexanders,
dashing for an endzone
of the sublime...

and, might i add, scoring many, many touchdowns on our way to detroit.

-------------
whitney -- i still haven't responded entirely to your message. instead, i've tossed stones at yet another conservative position by your friend with the bumper sticker. // patty griffin's love throws a line & ben fold's last polka.

Seahawks 20, Redskins 10

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1. andrew david 'Girl with a Blue Blanket' DC3 parking lot (Seattle) -- alex scrounged up a nice, free parking space for us.
2. andrew/beth the s.o. 'Qwest Field' Seattle -- obviously the pic's a bit dark. i think i took this, but beth might disagree. for the remainder of the pics, i will write 'andrew/beth' for pictures of where the photographer is uncertain.
3. beth the s.o. 'Seahawk Couple' Seattle -- yep.
4. beth the s.o. 'Cheer' Seattle -- actually, someone out there in real space deserves some credit. i'm not sure if its nathan, jonathan, danny, or steve; but somebody gave me the football bug. and without them, these pictures would have never been possible (whether i'm implying that without my fanship the seahawks would have suffered yet another playoff loss or that i simply wouldn't have been at this game, you can't be sure).
5. andrew/beth the s.o. 'Some Dude' Seattle -- this is beth's favorite pic game pic. there's another pic (not shown) of him using his cell phone as a camera or a lifeline to a fellow hawks fan; can't be sure, there were some scary moments early in the game.
6. andrew david 'Out of Focus Scream' Seattle -- this was her first NFL game, but hopefully not her last. in fact, she didn't even browse through one of her magazines during the game.
7. andrew david '12th (WO) Man' Seattle -- i'm still amazed that she scrounged up these tickets. thanks mary!
8. andrew david 'An Action Shot' Seattle -- i forgot that i can digitally zoom these photos once back at the computer. therefore, i didn't think to take many pictures of the actual game. besides, its difficult to watch, cheer, and take photos at the same time.
9. beth the s.o. 'Rag Time' Seattle -- my voice is still hoarse from that game...
10. andrew/beth the s.o. 'Victory Mob' Seattle -- yes!
11. andrew david 'Fworks' Seattle -- detroit here we come! (almost)
12. beth the s.o. 'Victory Smoke' Seattle -- whoohooo!

crazy bumper sticker and GO HAWKS!

hmmm...check out this bumper sticker that the washington state democratic party almost sold on their website. here's an apology from the chairman. here's how i found out about this. oh, and if you read to the end of the comments on that first link, you'll see my response.

anyway, the HAWKS play at 1:30. and thanks to my amazing, beautiful, brilliant, literate, hard-working, well-dressed, philosophical, generous, travel-savvy, stylish, conscientious, artsy, fun-loving, admirably righteous, clever, contact-wearing, cute, soon-to-be-football crazed girlfriend, i'll sitting at the 20 yard line!

that's right, i'll be at the game!

me...andrew...at a SEAHAWKS playoff game to see the first HAWK playoff victory on the road to the superbowl!

GO HAWKS!!!

[sometime later, its also the 5th comment to this post]
whitney -

here's what i HATE: contentedly chewing on a candy-cane only to find that - yuck! - you've been eating candy cane wrapper. and then begins the desperation; contorting the tongue into the molars in order to pry out htose pesky plastic pieces. and then the chocking. aggh.

[1/25/06]
whitney, face it, if you're a democrat, then you're a heathen. all of you left-wing liberals are just a bunch of sinners. oh,wait...i guess that's true of republicans too. well, so much for that.

it seems to me that the assumption that 'everyone should be as i am' is just another part of being human. hearkening back to psych 101, i think that this philosophy is the second or third tier of maslow's pyramid. once your material needs are satisfied, you look up from your happy belly and start to ponder how everyone else isn't meeting your needs.

at least that's my experience. some folks, myself included, have a laundry list of things that christians (or moral people) can't do. i don't think that's altogether bad -- in fact, its kinda' crucial to have a moral compass -- its just that our laundry lists tend to grows longer and less flexible as time goes by. soon enough, we only value other christians, other republicans, other people that we view as tolerant. so, to conclude, democrats are the same way. as a seattleite i doubt i can even count the number of times that i've heard rash generalizations of conservatives as unenlightened, cross-bearing idiots; as if democrats have the monopoly on intelligence. ultimately, i think those clowns at reefer magnets and the wsdp had a novel idea, except instead of writing HYPOCRITE on that Jesus-fish, the bumper sticker should have tatooed the slogan across the forehead of a generic stick-figure. we're all just a bunch of hypocrites.

countdown

in 4 days the seahawks will have their first ever playoff win during my fanhood.

go HAWKS!

state of the scale address

four months down. i kind of like this blogging thing, but i hope its not too stressful for my girlfriend. one of these days i'm afraid she'll snap 'NO! i didn't read your blog today! i'm dating you, not your blog. now, leave me in peace and stop asking about your stupid blog...'

upcoming blogs:
1. on the road reviews - these posts will hopefully bear the fruit of my most dangerous new idea (and perhaps my sole idea) concerning that i-5 stretch of verdant wasteland between seattle and portland. the recipe for my new idea is really quite simple; in fact, it only takes a few key ingredients: one or more full length music albums, a device with which to play said cds, a pen, and a post-it note pad. the stickies that survive the ride shall then serve as the song-by-song foundation for my 'on the road reviews.' as an aside, i suddenly (as in a few minutes ago) became intensly interested in origins. that is, where did this idea come from? (i don't know). why did i choose this title? (to begin, i did not intend hurtle my way into the company of jack kerouac or willy nelson. in fact, having never finished 'on the road' or listened to the verses of 'on the road again,' i can't even claim an artistic birthright to their sense of these words, so there is no connection. none. i liked the aliteration; that's it).

2. back page reviews - or, as everyday sam might say, little tiny book reviews. in this case, the title is an allusion to my bookcase (or, more aptly, the treasures within that bookcase). you see, for the past several years, it has been my habit to scrawl a brief afterword in the final pages of my books. thus, for now i am envisioning 'back page reviews' to be ten second showers: refreshingly brief responses to books, books, and more books.

add:

3. gre joy - that is, since the blog's byline alludes to a graduate entrance exam, perhaps its finally about time to expose the world to the delightful world of the gre. this may come in the way of literature terms, author bios, or literary excerpts.

4. in the kitchen - a segment devoted to cooking tips and party planning.

:add

other news.
1. well, it has come time to break the illusion that a nameless entity rests behind the 17 point scale. hi, everyone. in case you haven't already gathered, my name is andrew. i tend to write this blog when not wearing any pants. that's because its generally right before i go to bed. as a result of the late hour, i sometimes write odd things that are barely relevant (like 'i tend to write this blog when not wearing any pants'). this is unfortunate and may reflect poorly on my writing. however, from this point forward, if you see contextually strange quotes, song titles of my current itunes playlist, or links at the very bottom of an entry, please do not assume that i intended even the foggiest of connections to the preceeding text. instead, consider them unrelated post-scripts. (ah hah! perhaps i will denote such 'irrelevant material' with an asterisk or some other character).


*And That Right Soon (from Shawshank Redemption soundtrack)
by the way andrew, who's everyday sam?

web surfing: mexican edition

Casa Anita y Corona del Mar
http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g150793-d154750-r3815340-Casa_Anita_y_Corona_del_Mar-Puerto_Vallarta_Pacific_Coast.html
_Corona_del_Mar-Puerto_Vallarta_Pacific_Coast.html

La Casa Iguana Hotel
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotel_Review-g150793-d240662-Reviews-La_Casa_Iguana_Hotel-Puerto_Vallarta_Pacific_Coast.html
otel-Puerto_Vallarta_Pacific_Coast.html

Playa Conchas Chinas
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotel_Review-g150793-d155684-Reviews-Playa_Conchas_Chinas-Puerto_Vallarta_Pacific_Coast.html
inas-Puerto_Vallarta_Pacific_Coast.html

Hotel Torre De Oro
http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g150793-d154766-r4104017-Hotel_Torre_De_Oro-Puerto_Vallarta_Pacific_Coast.html

these are some possible cheap but nice hotels. read the reviews. check out thelocations. click on 'quickcheck' (on the right) to see prices (it searchs expedia, hotels.com, etc). or just search the 'popularity index' (on your right) for other well-liked hotels. i'm a bit afraid that the cheaper the hotel, the lamer your pool. perhaps we could visit whitney at her pool. one guest called it an 'oasis' (but it also looks out of our price range...unless we could get the same deal...).

so who's going?

other folks
sean & his gang of 5+ - yes, but staying in a separate hotel, flights already booked. may meet up with them for pool dodgeball, grub, and some drinks. staying at hotel suites la siesta.
whitney and fam' - we'd probably plan to hang out with whitney a lot. like us, she hasn't booked her ticket or entirely committed, but will be staying with her brother in another hotel.

us
andrew - yes, if enough people can be gathered to make hotel affordable
beth - yes, if enough people can be gathered to make hotel affordable
katy (or ie? i forgot already) - ? may stay with whitney
mari - ?
megan - interested but doubtful
emily - doubtful
danny - doubtful
allison - doubtful
evan - ?
angie - yes

at the moment i'm thinking that we probably need a combination of 4, 5, 6, or 8 to make it affordable, but i dunno...if you think of others that might be interested, please comment...

web surfing

statistics
-average time of morning shower during new years weekend: 2:16pm
-average 'morning' hours spent browsing in bed: 1.8

content
-visual art: surprisingly intriguing Paint pics, even stranger (and more abstract, perhaps less meaningful) pics
-musical art: an interesting excerpt regarding ambient music (also, check elsewhere on this site for more info about kevin's music), an insightful (and well written) blog regarding all kinds of music
-written art: actually i get this via email
-travel: forum about puerto vallarta, random stuff about puerto vallarta
-and, of course, most of the links on the left

christmas list (received)

wow. contrary to [my] personal opinion, i guess i am spoiled. plus, i probably forgot about 4 things.

1. a christmas candle
2. blanket
3. book: elements of style
4. book: the grammar bible
5. book: chicago manual of style
6. cushions for sports games
8. 14-22 ding dongs
9. coat
10. tripod
11. chocolate orange sticks
12. 4 flavors of life savers
13. 3 pairs of boxers
14. tube socks
15. hiking socks
16. deoderant
17. mouthwash
18. body wash
19. that silly body wash scrubby thing
20. razor blades
21. roll of tums
22. 2 dayquil tablets
23. book light
24. flat bookmark pens
25. funny cinnamon gum
26. poems on cd
27. a to-go bowl of cinnamon toast crunch
28. apple cinnamon candle
29. book: on dangerous ground
30. book: the red horseman
31. a fleece
32. christmas pajama pants
33. peppermint foot mask
34. shirt: ER'UOY EMOSDNAH (just imagine the letters facing the opposite way, like this 3 vs. E)
35. shirt: NOBODY READS MY BLOG